I'm no expert in psychology or relationships but I know an arsehole when I see one and though I have only reached the tender old age of 25, I sure know when something or someone needs to be kicked to the kerb with your daisy roots! Here are four utter shitty and toxic situations that are as beneficial to your life as a third nipple.
The saying goes 'you can choose your friends but you can't choose your family.' It's a horrible thought that your flesh and blood might not have your best interests at heart, whether it's parents, siblings, cousins etc. Perhaps it's just one person in your family or a few, whatever the issue is, if it's affecting your mental health and draining you of your happiness, it's a toxic situation. There are a number of emotions that can occur when you are around a toxic family member; anger, numbness, sadness all of which will take a toll on you (and probably them) mentally and emotionally. If the situation cannot be resolved, sometimes you have to let go. Seventeen years ago, a huge feud occurred in my family. A feud that has only just been resolved recently when apologies were made and people realised that life is too short to hold grudges. If you cut a toxic family member out of your life, it doesn't mean it's for good. You can always re-evaluate your relationship at a later point. It just means that at that moment in time taking care of your mental well-being is more important than catering to somebody who is having a negative impact on you.
Before having a child, my friendships were the core of my life. I have (and still have) a solid group of friends, most of whom I have been friends with for the majority of my life. We support each other, we take the piss out of each other but most of all we understand each other. As we have gotten older, sleepovers and pretty much living in each others pockets has been replaced with a weekly lunch date or a girl's night out. We have come to understand that we live our own lives and try to make time for each other whenever we can. Relationships/ careers/ babies have taken centre-stage, but that's okay. If you would rather stay in and eat Dominos with your love while watching a box set than meet the girls for a catch-up, that's cool. You are your own person. A toxic pal would make you feel like utter shit for it. A toxic pal wouldn't take into account that you may have had a shit week at work or you just want to catch up on The Walking Dead whilst stuffing your face with a Mighty Meaty (that sounds bad, I don't mean of the penis variety). Kids or no kids, life is exhausting and if there's a certain person that you dread spending time with as they have the power to make you feel rubbish about yourself then perhaps reconsider your friendship? Women tend to rely heavily on their friends for emotional support and while we don't want somebody that is a lick-arse and doesn't offer some degree of honesty to our lives, somebody that seems hellbent on being in constant conflict with you is somebody you could do without.
The best bunch of shit-shirt-wearing bitches I've been lucky enough to meet
We've all been there. That one ex that you can't seem to shift out of your life. They get a sniff of you moving on and send the obligatory 'how are you?' and 'I miss you' messages. It can debilitate you and make you re-consider why you split up in the first place. It can put your current relationship on hold as you find yourself comparing the two. In every relationship I've had, it's always been me that's left (the dumper so to speak- what a bitch) but this does not mean I haven't been susceptible to the old ex coming crawling back. It's comfortable, it's ego-boosting, it's toxic. I will hold my hands up and admit that I have been guilty in the past of hooking up with ex's out of sheer boredom but if somebody wants to move on and they make that very clear, it is their right to. People that act like puppeteers trying to pull strings, the 'I don't want them but I don't want anyone else to have them' types are better off out of your life. As soon as a toxic ex realises you aren't there for their needs physically or emotionally anymore, well they will probably talk bullshit about you, but laugh it off with your head held high. If you need to do that pros and cons list and hang it on your wall to remind you to keep moving forward, do it! Delete them on Facebook, Twitter or whatever makes the process easier. If the temptation to have a nose at their life without you in it is too much, you may end up turning into the toxic ex you are trying to escape from.
It's a fact that people who feel appreciated will go above and beyond what is expected of them and in the workplace, this is no exception. Jobs forge a huge part of our lives. If you are unhappy in your workplace the chances are it will affect other areas of your life too. If you feel unappreciated or 'over-worked and underpaid' as so many people do, it may leave you feeling extremely down and well, useless. I'm fortunate to have a job that pays well and a boss that makes me feel appreciated. Others I know aren't quite so lucky. The biggest outrage for me is that people who work in the care industry are on minimum wage and are carrying out the most strenuous and challenging tasks daily. It's a shame that some people who end up in the industry don't give a shit and do just see it as 'do a half-arsed job for minimum wage' but there are some fantastic carers out there who invest themselves in the job emotionally as well as physically and do not earn a wage that reflects this.
Communication is everything and if you cannot approach your boss to discuss issues in the workplace without being shut down or belittled, work colleagues are not interested in supporting each other or you wake up and literally feel your soul being crushed at the idea of heading to your job, you my friend, are in a toxic workplace. If you believe you are destined for bigger things, you will achieve it. I think that sometimes you have to hit rock bottom before you can peak. You were not put on this Earth to work and pay bills but unfortunately it is something we cannot escape from. Don't burn yourself out working for somebody who does not see value in your worth.
I am not an expert in life but if you can identify with anything I've mentioned in this post, perhaps it's time to wave goodbye to the toxicity and go get your happily ever after.
I am however an expert in arguing for the sake of it, eating my bodyweight in spaghetti bolognese and Microsoft Excel so if you need a feisty, pasta-consuming bitch who can do spreadsheets hit me up.
The Kitschy Mumma