Tuesday, 30 August 2016

Just the one please...

When people ask me if I'm going to have another child I always say the same thing, "No, I like my sleep too much". This is very true, but definitely not the only reason. I'm a Mum of one and I have no desire to have another baby for a number of reasons
  • Pregnancy is horrific. 
  • Giving birth is horrific
  • The lack of sleep is horrific
  • The constant googling because you haven't got a fucking clue how to take care of such a tiny human being is draining. "My baby has a rash" "My baby is not drinking all of her milk" "How can I stop the milk dribbling down the side of my baby's mouth when shes having her bottle?" (Yes I did google this once. Or twice)
  • You will NEVER feel refreshed again. Ever. 
 Before kidsAfter kids
  • You won't be able to watch Loose Women or Escape to the country without hearing "I want CBeebies" over and over again like a parrot on acid.
  • You will find yourself humming the tunes to 'Show me show me' and 'Me Too' and you won't be able to stop yourself. "I'm on my way to work today.." You'll wish you bloody were!
  • The 'Mum guilt' is a feeling like no other. You feel guilty that you're not feeding them the right food, you feel guilty if someone babysits them so you can have a few hours of to gain some sanity back to your life. You feel guilty that you don't take them out enough. Especially when you see some other Mum posts on Facebook about how they've been out collecting leaves and sticks and they've created a leaf and stick collage that is so bloody wonderful while you've been sat in the house watching re-runs of 'Bing' on catch-up.
  • The worrying
My last point is the main reason. The worrying. I can't imagine loving another human being as much as I love my Daughter, and then having to worry about them as much. It is debilitating but it's normal I know. If I didn't worry I'd be seriously questioning myself as a person. The sleepless nights, the bottles, the nappies, the show tunes, the applying of sudocreme to sore arses, it all stops eventually. The worrying is there forever. I'm a glass-half-empty (if you like cliches) person. I wake up with a bad feeling and convince myself that something horrendously life-changing is going to happen. If I'm walking home past 9'o'clock at night and someone happens to be walking behind me I'll envisage myself on an episode of Forensic Files as the young Mum snatched minutes away from her home with a really cringy episode title like "Gone Mummy Gone". Of course my paranoia isn't all of me, I have alot of other personality traits that make me a friggin' delight to be around (most of the time) 

I worry that she'll get snatched, get dehydration if she doesn't drink enough, get cancer, get caught up in a blind cord (even though I don't have blinds) I worry that she will get meningitis, that she may run behind a car as it is reversing and get run over, that she will choke on her food, that she will pass away in her sleep, that she will fall down the stairs. If she happens to sleep past half 7 (a rarity) and I happen to wake up naturally (an even bigger rarity) my first instinct is to run to her room and check on her. If I'm at work and I hear a fire engine or an ambulance I will think that something terrible has happened at her nursery. I worry that as an only child, she will grow up not knowing what it's like to have a sibling to confide in/bicker with/chinese burn when they're doing your head in (even though she has a brother and sister on her Dad's side). I avoid reading news articles about children being harmed or killed or abducted as it fuels my paranoia more. I understand that to some, I may seem over-paranoid and crazy but I have a feeling I am not alone. I have googled a few times "I'm so scared my child will die before me" and read the forums and opinions of like-minded Mums. There were people on there saying how thinking in this way is causing harm to our children even though we are paranoid because we are shit scared of them coming to harm. They are perfectly valid in saying this and they are correct. Sub-consciously I am teaching my Daughter to fear the world even if all I want is her to be safe and loved and never feel scared. 

A therapist once told me to break my concerns down to see how rational they really are. So when I said I was reluctant to let my Daughter go away for a couple of nights on holiday without me as I was worried she may get up in the night and there could be a carrier bag left about that she could potentially put over her head (yes I know I'm irrational and go completely over the top) she told me to break it down
  1. What's the chances of her waking up and getting out of bed.
  2. If she did get out of bed how likely is it that she will leave her room without being heard.
  3. If she did leave her room, what are the chances of there being a carrier bag lying about
  4. Has she ever gone near a carrier bag before (the answer being no), is she likely to put one over her head?
This method helps me alot when I my mind running is faster than Usain Bolt and jumping to all sorts of ridiculous conclusions although it doesn't always work. I know I will never stop worrying, all I can do is try and control it. The reason we worry is because we love our kids so bloody much and even though they drive us effing mental and we may say "I need a fucking break", we wouldn't be without them. Parenting is a bloody hard job. It's draining but amazing in equal measures (well maybe 60/40). Everybody's experience of parenting is different. Some people love the baby stage (I for one do not), some people love being pregnant (nope don't get that either). All that matters is that we're raising well-rounded, confident children and I will be doing all that I can to try and curb the bitch that is my own irrational mind. People seem confused when I say I don't want another child but it's each to their own. 

Plus if there's ever a zombie apocalypse it's nice to have just the one to worry about.

The Kitschy Mumma






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25 comments:

  1. Loved reading this. I do share a lot of your ways of thinking and found this very refreshing! I love my children too and would die for them but pregnancy, birth, early days of no sleep and constant worrying are pants!

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  2. Thankyou so much for reading. It's so much hard work physically and emotionally but at least we're not alone in feeling this way :-)

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  3. I love your last point, about not imaging you can love anyone as much as you love your daughter..... I think motherhood, parenting in general is not the same for everyone, some people have more helping out from family and friends, we manage things in different ways and every child is different. But your post in refreshing #ablogginggoodtime

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    1. Thankyou for reading! I completely agree, they're all different (but all hardwork ha)

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  4. great post- I had the WORST anxiety when I was preggers with my second- NO WAY could I love anyone as much as I loved her....plus the world was just so damn scary.

    I have four daughter now....clearly the therapy and Zoloft helped ;)

    #ablogginggoodtime

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    1. Four girls! WOAH! Haha you're braver than me! Thanks for reading :)

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  5. great post- I had the WORST anxiety when I was preggers with my second- NO WAY could I love anyone as much as I loved her....plus the world was just so damn scary.

    I have four daughter now....clearly the therapy and Zoloft helped ;)

    #ablogginggoodtime

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  6. I suffer with anxiety sometimes too. I think exhaustion is a massive factor in my anxiety. I need to get enough sleep or the worry takes over. I love your honesty! Thank you for linking up to #ablogginggoodtime 🎉

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    1. Thankyou! If you get your sleep you can handle anything I always think. Thankyou for reading :) x

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  7. I love this. I also never, ever want another baby and everyone in the whole wide world has said 'maybe you'll change your mind' or 'wait until you're older'. I want to do neither of these things. I love having Little R but there is no way in hell I would do any of it again. I am struggling so much with my mental health my mum worries I will commit suicide on a daily basis. It is just so hard! #ablogginggoodtime

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    1. God I really feel for you! It's such a hard 'job' and nothing can prepare you! People always say "oh I bet you will have another one" but I'm absolutely adamant I won't! Hope you can stay positive even on your dark days! X

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  8. WOW. You took the words right out of my mouth. We have decided to have only one child for all the above reason too. I feel like we are kindred spirits reading this! Thanks for linking up to #coolmumclub lovely x

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    1. Ahhh thanks for reading! Kindred spirits- I like that! Thanks for having me :) X

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  9. Y'know, I read this and think this is why I don't want a third child! Same rules apply :-) I guess the bottom line is you gotta do what suits you and yours and sod everyone elses opinions on the matter... But you make a great case for having one child, maybe I'll send my second back...JOKE! ;-)
    Thanks for linking up to #coolmumclub - great to have you with us!

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    1. Hallelujah! I think I've put most of my friends off having children at all haha! Thanks for having me! X

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  10. You should get all the points printed on a card to hand out when you get asked the 'are you going to have another one?" question!

    #chucklemums

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    1. Yes!! I will literally say nothing and hand my list of bullet points over. I might even start standing on street corners handing them out just for fun 😁 Thanks for reading lovely!

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  11. Yep, I worry about meningitis and other such delights frequently! Your list is very familiar to many mummies, I bet. My toddler gave my baby a nappy bag to "play with" recently, gah. Stick to one! Thanks for linking to #Chucklemums xx

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    1. Ha definitely sticking to one! I remember being terrified of nappy bags, so bloody glad she is toilet trained so they're not hanging around, I just have actual carrier bags to fuel my paranoia now lol 🙈 Thanks for reading X

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  12. That plastic bag but made me laugh out loud, mainly because I've had the exact same conversations in my head, and I too have just the one. #chucklemums

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    1. Haha how funny! At least we can laugh at the over-paranoia, think I would cry otherwise! Thanks for taking a look X

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  13. I've always wanted a big family but I hate being pregnant and it's really putting me off! Birth wasn't too bad but I just can't do pregnancy #brilliantblogposts

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    1. Nope me neither! My Daughter wants a sibling but I can't put myself through it again X

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  14. I have two children, but I struggle with the worrying too. & hate pregnancy as well. #brilliantblogposts

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